Monday, November 22, 2010

Costco Cooties

I know Costco comes up a lot in my posts. One, we are there a lot and two, interesting things seem to take place when we go. Just getting through the store with two overflowing carts and four hungry, cranky, loud children, that want to stop for samples every few minutes, is interesting to watch. Add the weekend before thanksgiving and all the awesome toy isles they have set up for Christmas, now it's really getting fun!

Just when I think to myself, what am I going to write about for Monday, a story seems to arise. A crowded, bustling Costco gave me that story on Sunday.

Erik and I have a system when we do Costco. Once we make it to the checkout area, he helps me unload until the kids start loosing it and then he takes them to the food court while I finish. We had already been at Costco for two hours, so they lost it pretty quickly.

I finished up paying for our obscene amount of food. I should understand by now that two huge carts of food is not going to be cheap, but it shocks me every time when they tell me that total. Seriously, are we feeding an army or four small children under the age of 6? I stand there with my jaw open, nodding my head to assure her that she can go ahead and swipe my card.

I make my way over to my family. Matty is jumping from table to table, Ella is wailing that she needs to go the bathroom, Abby is trying to explain to Erik that she can get our lunch order all by herself and Jon is sitting quietly three tables away. I parked our carts and then went to them.

I went over to Jon first, who was sitting quietly and mesmerized by all the busyness. I was very parched from all that shopping and was glad Erik had already gotten the drinks. As I picked up the drink I said, "whatcha got there bud, lemonade?" I downed a good amount and then gave it back to him. He didn't seem to mind, which was weird, he usually is very attached to his fountain drinks.

Then I notice behind me a couple laughing and giggling to each other. The lady who was staring at me was whispering to her significant other. I just assume it was from our personal sideshow. People gawk, stare, and talk about us often in public situations. But then, Jon said something to me very interesting. He said, "oh mom, can I have some of your drink?" I am thinking to myself, what do you mean my drink? Isn't this your drink? Didn't dad get you all drinks." I look over to the other kids, no drinks.

It all becomes very clear at that moment. I just inhaled a strangers leftover lemonade and the couple behind us is laughing at me. They were there when the previous owner of that lemonade left and now they are witness to me finishing it off.

I start laughing, but then suddenly feel the urge to open up our massive bottle of newly purchased bleach and start swigging. I felt very dirty and like at any minute I would start coming down with a strange rare disease.

I went over and shared with Erik what I had just done. His response was, "ewwww, that is so disgusting." I had to agree, very disgusting. Next time I am overly thirsty, I will pause before gulping the drink that sits in front of my child. It could belong to a snot nose kid, who doesn't brush their teeth and who just came from the dr. that told him he has the meningitis! EWWWWWW!

We sit down to finish lunch and Matty stands up on his seat and yells as loud as he can, "Mom, I poop, I superman, I poop," with his fist in air, ready to take flight. Lunch is ended early, superman needs to be changed and everyone in the food court has been made aware.

We are such a spectacle. At least we serve the purpose of entertaining the Costco masses!

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  1. OK, you have to stop making me laugh until I cry...It;s hard to post anything after that kind of reaction! oh and I remembered one of the funny thing you did...spitting your communion back in the cup after you had realized you had drank before Seth had finished praying At the Solid Rock Cafe'.....Again, another Lilly moment, oh how I love those times.
    Thanks for being you..there is NO one else like you...........Love you sweetie. I will be chuckling all day long. thanks

  2. Okay, where do I start!?! First, I can't believe you spent 2 hours at Costco. I think Seth would rather pluck his eyebrows out (1 hair at a time) then be in Sam's with our 3 kids for 2 hours. 2nd, Just because they have items on the shelves does not mean you have to buy them! Just say no!!! :) (You know I love teasing you!). Third, that is absolutely disgusting Linsey, and frankly I'm not sure I can be your friend anymore. I would NEVER do something like that! he he! Oh, I do love your stories!

  3. While it seems really gross to drink out of some stranger's cup at Costco (and quite frankly it is) we also have children whose fingers are probably way more germy than that stranger's lemonade. Does that make you feel better?

  4. Oh, thank you so much for the good laugh! Sadly, I can see my self doing the same thing with the drink. Ewww, is right LOL! You and your husband are brave souls to tackle Costco with all your kiddos! I only have two little boys and most of the time that is enough to drive me crazy LOL!

  5. OH, DEAR HEAVENS! Linsey I laughed so hard at that! Girl, I would have paid money to have been a witness to the expression on your face when you realized what you had done! Don't worry one time when Charlie was using smokeless tobacco (dip). He used to spit in my diet dr. pepper bottles. I picked up the bottle and took a swig! He had unknowingly moved my bottle and sat his bottle down on the counter. Yes, of his tobacco spit! I thought I was going to die!!!! I told him if that EVER happened again I would divorce him! Just thinking about it makes me want to hurl! Honestly, I think I would have rather done what you did! Thanks for the laughs! You always bring a smile to my face!