Thursday, April 26, 2012

The Worst Feeling In The World

I will never forget that feeling of helplessness. It was a moment when I literally could do nothing but cry out for help. In that moment I felt so small, so useless. I’d like to be able to say I relied on my faith, experience, or calm personality in that moment of distress but I admit that I failed miserably. I hope that I never see that panicked side of myself again.

Matt was completely gone and in that twenty minutes, the most horrific scenarios flashed into my mind. “Somebody took him!” was my first thought. He was playing in the woods, fell down the hill, and is lying somewhere unconscious. Or maybe A wild animal took him away. My thoughts were racing out of control!

Even the most bizarre stories don't seem so bizarre in a moment of panic.

I called 911 immediately and then questioned as many neighbors as I could find. I ran all through the house thinking, Could he have fallen asleep somewhere? Is he hiding from me?” After I tore the house apart, I quickly put on my running shoes and started covering as much outside ground as possible. I started screaming, praying, crying my eyes out, and I even tried to get the dog to help. "MATT! MATTY! LUKE WHERE IS MATTY? MATTY WHERE ARE YOU? I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! DEAR JESUS, HELP ME FIND HIM!"

After what seemed like an eternity, I got a call from one of our neighbors wondering what was going on. At first she thought I had called looking for Luke, but I had managed to tell her that Matt had gone missing through my uncontrollable tears. Almost immediately I heard her scream, "Oh my goodness I see him under our picnic table in the backyard!"

Then I completely lost it out relief and joy. My baby is okay!!

He had walked three houses away, somehow got into our neighbor’s backyard, and was hiding under her picnic table. This was unusual behavior for him; he has always liked to stick close to the house. He had never done anything like that before and it became the perfect storm of panic.

I actually had a hard time disciplining him because I was just so happy that he was okay.

Don't worry he got a good talking too and he also got a visit from the officer that came by our house. After all was said and done, he's now scared to death about being eaten by a wild animal if he was to venture out on his own again!

I have learned that I panic easily in extreme situations and that the thought of losing a child is the worst feeling in the world. I’m just glad that Matty is okay and never wants to scare his mommy like that again (at least for the rest of this week).

I mean it when I say that this child is going to give me a heart attack (Next week)!!

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  1. I tear up just thinking about that feeling of not knowing where your child is. It has never happened to me... I hope it never does. I'm so glad it all was okay.... Matty, don't do that to your mommy!!!!

  2. Oh man!! I hear ya on this one!! Some serious levels of panic come out that I had no idea I could reach! I'm so glad he's okay!! When all is said and done, it would be fun to know what's really going on in their heads! Hehe!!

  3. I was panicking with you throughout your post and I'll admit I got a little teary eyed as well. I'm a new follower and adore your family!

  4. Hey Linsey!
    All Moms have these moments, thank God for His mercies. And thank God Matt was okay.

    Lovely blog you have, just joined your site and followed you on pinterest, twitter, facebook!

  5. This is such a scary moment, we had something similar happen last year and it is a feeling I never want to have again. I am glad that everything worked out and he was safe and sound.

  6. Lindsey,

    You did a great job articulating how terrifying it is to think you have lost a child. Thank God he is okay. I can imagine the relief your heart felt when you found your beautiful little boy.

    Our family is our heartbeat, isn't it? Thanks for sharing.


  7. Not a good feeling! But what a relief when your greatest fears are set to rest.Thank you father for your ever loving arms around our ever failing hearts.Love you Matty Poo.............

  8. I'm like you with my kids and always think the worst. LOL. My first time handing my son over to a babysitter, omg the thoughts that went through my head ><
    New follower from CCB