After a certain age, in my opinion, routine, yearly check-ups are a complete waste of time. Don't get me wrong, I have a high respect for doctors and appreciate them for so many reasons, especially when the sick bug comes knockin. Yes, I know about prevention, early detection, and keeping the masses healthy, but I guess it's just not for me. At miss Ella's kindergarten physical, I found myself rolling my eyes numerous times.
Here were some of the reasons I found my eyes in the back of my head
1. The receptionist does not like me, never has. I don't think she has kids, well she has dogs for kids, lots of them. One time while chatting with her I said something along the lines of, "I love your dog (he was in the office at the time), if I could garauntee to have such an obedient dog like this, I would consider getting one. Our last dog was a handful."
She gave me this look like I should never talk bad about an animal, and there was an awkward moment of silence. From that point on, she hasn't been that curtious to me. I was trying to be the responsible mom and make this ridiculous kindergarten physical, in the middle of summer, instead of right before school. It didn't matter that I was trying. When I said I wanted to get an appointment, the not so joyous receptionist said, "well, we don't have any school physical appointment openings for two weeks."
Okay, that's why I am trying to please you and make this appointment ahead of time. I didn't say I would like to get an appointment tomorrow, I just said I would like to make an appointment! It didn't matter what I did, how I worded it, or how accommodating I tried to be, I was going to be made to feel inferior, that's just the way it is. It's the secretaries job, she works at a Doctors office, so she is cool and you are not! Sorry, I forgot that wearing kitty cat scrubs makes you cooler than me!
2. I was late for my appointment because of traffic. Being the good patient that I am, I called ahead. When I got there, the doctor, nurse, and receptionist were standing at the front desk waiting for me. I apologized and then even offered to reschedule because of my ten minute tardiness. She said, she didn't mind seeing me, if I didn't mind waiting for her between her other patients. I would normally totally understand, but I looked around at a deserted office, we were the only ones there. I chuckled inside and my eyes rolled back far into my head. I pretended like I understood completely and respectfully agreed to be fit in amongst her busy schedule. She said, with a tone of slight disappointment, that I had never been late for an appointment before and she felt bad that I had to lug all four kids out of the house in the rain. Gosh thanks!
3. Jon was finishing up a pack of fruit snacks in the waiting room and had a few in his hand. I said to him, why don't you let me hold those for you until we leave. The receptionist then piped in and said to him, that would be a good idea, we don't allow food in here anyway, lots of kids have allergy's and it's a good idea to always play it safe. Thanks lady, I got it. By the way you might want to finish up that peanut butter cookie, some kid might go behind your desk without you looking and take a bite. Okay, so I made that last part up, she wasn't eating a cookie from what I could see, but that's the way I felt at the time. Hmmmm, I wonder if there are any kids out there that are allergic to the dog laying under your desk? Or maybe you just make those patients wait in an empty waiting room until they get tired of waiting and finally leave!
4. The doctor asks Ella, if sometimes her siblings take her toys, and if she ever has arguments with them? Seriously, did she really just ask her that? What planet does she live on? She must either be an only child, or come from one of those families that are quiet, reserved and only have an occasional quarrel! She then proceeds to explain to her the best way to handle an argument. How if she sets a toy down and takes her hand off of it, it becomes fair game to the other kids. She also told her that it's not polite to hover over the child who now has the toy, waiting for them to put it down, so she could take it back, (yes she used the word hover). It was a better idea to go and find another toy!
I am not making this up. As I was trying to entertain the other three and keep the two year old from destroying the place, she went on and on!! Did I seriously just take up my morning for this? Again my eyes roll back!
5. Matthew decides it would be a fun game to go in and out of the exam room, laughing each time he threw open the door and it slammed against the wall. I decided to make the game less appealing and prop the door open with my foot, so he would stop getting a kick out of hearing it ricochet off the exam room wall. My attempts seemed to really bother the doctor and nurse. At one point, she got up and closed the door. She said it was for privacy, but we were the only family in the office at the time. I guess she didn't agree with my parental problem solving this time around!
6. The doctor asked Ella, "Sweetie, what do you wear on your head when you ride your bike?" She quickly responded, "A helmet."
She doesn't wear a helmet, but we have one laying on the garage floor. She answered well and saved me from explaining why I don't enforce the helmet rule in our driveway!
Then she asked her if she rides a two wheeler or uses training wheels. Ella told her training wheels. The kid still rides a tricycle, close enough!
I was then told how I could take her to this great park that she knew of, with level paths and get those training wheels off. I should also get her knee pads, elbow pads, and hand grips (to prevent scraped hands). I'm thinking, great idea, after we leave here my plan is to drive to Denver, go to Dick's and purchase all this wonderful gear you recommended. I am then going to take her to the park and teach her to ride a two wheeler, that I also stopped and purchased on the way. That's exactly what I want to do during nap time today! By the way, do you mind watching my other three the rest of the afternoon, I'm sure you all would get along great!
Okay, so this all sounds like I despise and think very lowly of the medical world. That's not the case at all. I actually like our doctor okay and appreciate her very much when my kids are sick. I just don't have the patients to sit in a doctors office for an unnecessary appointment and be told that Ella is growing at the same rate she has been since she was an infant... hmmm, interesting. Trying to keep my two year old away from the receptionists dog, that she brings in to work, while learning that I should be feeding Ella more fish, is just not worth it to me. It's just not my idea of a productive, enjoyable afternoon. I find it a huge waste of my time and my bottle of ibuprofen!!
As we leave and I ask to have a copy of the physical to submit to the school, I learn at that point, that I don't need one. Colorado schools don't require a copy of the physical for school entry. She tells me, all the school needs is a list of her updated immunizations. What? You mean I just went through all that for nothing? Wonderful!! I waited for my copy, and then sadly made my way to my car, with my head hung low. I felt defeated, pathetic, and completely worn out, from what I realized was an unnecessary event!